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i got off the bus and walked several blocks towards the station. City sounds percolated like bubbling java. Car horns. Little splashes of conversation. Creaking wood inside of ancient buildings. Swirls of dust. Licensed activity. State-sanctioned lights designed to control traffic. Breath. Food odors. Buzzing insects.

I swallowed my illusion and walked through glass. There was no turning back. I had run out of options. It used to be so easy. I could pretend that things were okay. I joined the club, wore the clothes, shaped and molded myself into one of them.

Did i really do that? Did i really give away everything that i was in order to become what i wasn’t just so that i could be engulfed by alien orifices, my juices nourishing the machine, as it plunged daggers into my heart?

Uh, yup.

The guy behind the counter looked at me and cracked open a wry grin. He knew my story before he ever set eyes on me. He knew that the souls who walked through the station and hopped the train to infinity were never going to return.

As i begin this journey, i know that beyond the safe confines of everything that is known one can find everything that is unknown. its dangerous out there. no guideposts, no boundaries, no map. pure unbridled potential.

Death walks hand in hand with rebirth. I’ll take them both.

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